Whining about the Wii

Last year, I took my tax refund to Best Buy with every intention of exchanging it for an Xbox 360, an Xbox Live membership, "Halo 3," and whatever else I could get. Mostly, I was looking forward to playing "Caracassonne" and "Guitar Hero" online with my friend in Minnesota.

But on that fateful day, Best Buy only had the lowly Xbox Arcade model, which I have been told is not worth buying despite its relatively low ($199) price tag. Something to do with a small hard drive, I guess. So I was going to go home.

But then two Best Buy employees magically appeared, each pushing a handcart stacked with Wii consoles. I felt like it was Christmas all over again: I'd never even seen a Wii console in a store before! One knee-jerk reaction later, I was buying a Wii, a second Wiimote, two nunchuks, a classic controller (which I have yet to use), a charging station, "Super Mario Galaxy," "The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess" (which I have played on two occasions) and "Call of Duty 3" (which I traded in at GameStop almost immediately).

I have since bought (and traded in) 10 games or so, and I play none of them with any regularity. "Super Mario Galaxy" is a marvel of design, for sure, but I haven't felt the need to play it in, oh, three or four months. I got "Rock Band," but never use the drumset or the microphone; I've only had a willing group over to play it once. Once! "Mario Kart Wii" was good for about two weeks, "Super Smash Bros." isn't a good single-player game, and the Wii version of "Madden" is quite watered-down. The disc that gets used most often? "WiiSports," of course, whose simple bowling game remains the No. 1 reason to buy a Wii, if you ask me.

I thought the No. 1 reason to buy a Wii would be to download all the old games on Virtual Console, but my efforts to go online via a LAN adapter have been thwarted, and I don't really feel like shelling out the money to go wireless. (Of course, it doesn't help that I don't understand how to go wireless, even after someone explained it to me.)

So I have this expensive piece of hardware sitting in my living room, mostly unused, and I don't know what to do with it. The only game on the horizon I anticipate buying is "Guitar Hero: Metallica," which means another huge investment in plastic instruments, seeing as all my previous "Guitar Hero" purchases have been for the PS2. "Rock Band 2" is a no-go, considering how many songs on it are already on "Guitar Hero: World Tour."

I suppose I should sell my Wii wares, but that all but necessitates the purchase of an Xbox or a PS3 so I can play the Metallica game -- because there's no way I'm not getting that. But how can I possibly justify buying another video game console when: A) I have no money; B)I have no money; and C) Did I mention I have no money?

I knew this was going to happen last summer, when the video-game firms rolled out their 2009 lineup at E3. The Wii presentation was downright awful -- unless you're an 8-year-old. While other systems could boast demos for "Resident Evil 5," "Fallout 3" and "Final Fantasy XIII," Nintendo had a bunch of idiots on stage flailing about while playing "WiiSports 2" and "WiiMusic," which I have a hard time even calling a game.

Ah, the problems of an almost-30-year-old who still thinks he's a teenager. I should probably be more concerned about the fact that none of my pants fit -- those holidays take a toll, don't they?

Does anyone else have buyer's remorse when it comes to their Wii?