George Carlin, expired at 71

George Carlin, expired at 71

Posted by Sean Stangland on Mon, 06/23/2008 - 22:36

I'll let the dearly departed George Carlin speak for himself:

• "Older" sounds a little better than "old," doesn't it? Sounds like it might even last a little longer. ... I'm getting old. And it's OK. Because thanks to our fear of death in this country I won't have to die -- I'll "pass away." Or I'll "expire," like a magazine subscription. If it happens in the hospital they'll call it a "terminal episode." The insurance company will refer to it as "negative patient-care outcome." And if it's the result of malpractice they'll say it was a "therapeutic misadventure."



This is my favorite Carlin bit ever.

• This conversation is bound to turn up. Two guys in a street meet each other and one of them says, "Hey, did you hear? Phil Davis died." "Phil Davis? I just saw him yesterday." "Yeah, didn't help. He died anyway. Apparently, the simple act of you seeing him did not slow down his cancer. In fact, it may have made it more aggressive. You know, you could be the cause for Phil's death. How do you live with yourself?"

• Tonight's forecast: Dark.

• Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.

• Atheism: A non-prophet organization.

• What year did Jesus think it was?

• "Get on the plane, get on the plane!" (Bleep) you, I'm getting in the plane!

• You know what's interesting about assassination? Well, not only does it change those popularity polls in a big (bleeping) hurry, but it's also interesting to notice who it is we assassinate. ... It's always people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Jesus, Gandhi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, John Lennon -- they all said, "Try to live together peacefully." BAM! Right in the (bleepin') head! Apparently we're not ready for that. Yeah, that's difficult behavior for us. We're too busy ... sitting around trying to think up ways to kill each other.

• See, I don't worry about the little things. Bees, trees ... whales, snails. I think we're part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand. A higher order -- call it what you want! You know what I call it? The Big Electron. ... It doesn't punish, it doesn't reward, it doesn't judge at all. It just is. And so are we ... for a little while. Thanks for being here with me for a little while tonight.

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