More like "Satisfactory America"

"The Cleanest Theme Park in the World!"

If you go to Six Flags Great America, you'll see signs and banners shouting those words at you every five feet. They're even printed on the rubber pads in the urinals, as I discovered Monday night. The ride operators all wear chartreuse polo shirts with this slogan on the back: "Have A ♥, Do Your Part, Help Keep Our Park Clean." You'll also find that printed on the side of trash cans throughout the park.

When you look past the signing and the slogans, you'll see trash floating in the park's waterways, dirty shoulder restraints, cracked paint, and a whole lot of used chewing gum. The canopies and fixtures underneath the lift hill on the Superman coaster -- which hangs riders face-down, with nothing underneath them -- are covered in old gum, and seeing that only inspired some of my fellow riders to add theirs to the collection. (Of course, if you spit your gum out on a roller coaster, then you eliminate the possibility of choking to death on it mid-ride.)

I haven't been to that many theme parks, but I have been to a few in California and Florida that have a pretty good reputation for their quality and cleanliness. I've also been to Kings Island in Ohio and Canada's Wonderland in Ontario, and I don't remember being grossed out there either. Cleanliness is just not something I associate with Great America.

What the park does have, though, are some world-class roller coasters, particularly the Raging Bull. Ten years after its debut, this "hyper coaster" is still the park's star attraction, thanks to huge drops and a super-smooth ride. It sits in Southwest Territory, the park's best-themed (and best-maintained) section which sprang up around 1996's Viper, a wooden coaster that remains a marquee attraction. A young girl sitting in the row behind us on our last ride of the night was terrified of the Raging Bull; halfway through the ride, she changed her tune: "THIS IS AWESOME!"

The rest of the highlights include Vertical Velocity, which launches you into the air at 70 mph; The American Eagle, a grand old woodie that actually benefits from its wear and tear; and The Whizzer, a uniquely designed bobsled-style coaster that looks tame but boasts wicked turns. Even some of the old carnival-style rides, like the East River Crawler (formerly The Lobster), still thrill.

Last year's new ride, The Dark Knight Coaster, does not belong in that same category. The designers clearly went for theme over thrill, but the theme is poorly executed. The pre-ride film, starring Aaron Eckhart from "The Dark Knight," attempts to capture some of that Disney World magic, but falls way short. The only ride that disappoints more is the Iron Wolf, a stand-up coaster which premiered in 1990 and could now be used as a torture device. If the car's bicycle seat doesn't dig into your ... um ... bikini area, then it might bruise your thighs. Either way, your ears are going to hurt after your head slams into the restraints on the corkscrews. (You feel pain in your wallet, too; some rides hae required lockers for your loose articles that cost a buck, and the 24-hour lockers at the front gate cost $11. My one trip to a concession stand cost $9, and all I got was a soft pretzel and a small Coke.)

But all whining aside, I still had a lot of fun Monday at Great America, and it seemed like most of the people who stuck around until 10 p.m. did too. (What is it about the nighttime that makes people more enthusiastic about roller coasters? Have you noticed this?) As we left the park, a seemingly impromptu dance party had broken out in front of the reflecting pool in Carousel Plaza. Kids of all ages were dancing to the "Macarena" and didn't much care that the park didn't live up to its cleanliness pledge.

I have fond memories of riding Logger's Run over and over again at the end of a breezy summer night, and of joining the warring chants of the two queues for the American Eagle. ("Tastes great!" / "Less filling!" ... "Red side sucks!" / Blue side sucks!") It's no Magic Kingdom, that much is certain, but there's still a little magic stirring at Great America ... provided you think of it as a glorified carnival.