Blue, gold and white / FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Our man Dann Gire has a great story today about Larry Doyle, a Buffalo Grove High School graduate who worked for "The Simpsons" and "Beavis and Butt-Head" en route to writing "I Love You, Beth Cooper," a book that has since been adapted into a movie starring Hayden Panettiere. Opening Friday, the movie is loosely based on Doyle's own experiences at BGHS. The most interesting bit of Dann's article? Doyle explains why the high school in the movie is called Buffalo Glen, not Buffalo Grove. Click on that link above, it's a good one.

The most curious thing about the Hollywood version of BGHS are its school colors: blue, gold and white. As a graduate of Wheeling High School -- BG's bitter rival, which actually does boast those school colors -- I find this strangely satisfying. The stand-in BGHS students must suffer the indignity of wearing the rival's colors. Take that, Terramere!

I have to admit that a movie based on my experiences at Wheeling High School would be pretty boring; it wouldn't look like the parade of sex and alcohol that the "Beth Cooper" trailer depicts. (Hmmm ... maybe BGHS isn't too happy about the connection?) It could be a comedy of errors with me as the nerdy target; there was that one time I got a little too rowdy at the sophomore football game and called out the quarterback for throwing five interceptions. He didn't like that too much, and I got a visit in the stands during the varsity game later that night. Luckily, I didn't end up with a bloody nose, or even a wedgie -- but I bet the movie version of me would end up with both, or worse.

Other than that, "Sean Stangland: The High School Years" would mostly feature me going to movies, playing Sega Genesis and working for a certain national drug store conglomerate. So many WHS students worked at their location on Dundee Road that it almost became a graduation requirement. Nothing says big-screen excitement like baling boxes! Stocking shelves! And of course FACING! (For those of you who haven't worked retail, "facing" is basically the most boring task on earth. You walk up and down each aisle in the store, moving the product to the front of the shelf. At Target stores, this is called "zoning," for some reason. Not that I would know.)

But wait ... didn't a tubby, bearded nerd with glasses strike comedy gold when he wrote a movie about working as a clerk? Maybe my story does have comedic potential, like that time 3 or 4 of us WHS students were all working when our buddy's dad came in to buy condoms. Or when we made Mike call a price-check for strawberry douche on his last day. Or our boss's unfortunate decision to give Dan the ability to make sale-signs for the shelves. (Remember the Twizzlers knock-off called Switzer? Dan made a sign that proudly proclaimed: "BARRY LIKES 'EM!") Happily, none of our late nights at the old store involved donkeys or dead dudes in the bathroom.

The casting of the WHS movie would be the most fun part, although Danny Gokey is clearly too old to play me as a teenager. I've got a few bright ideas for some of Wheeling's most infamous and beloved teachers, like John C. Reilly as Mr. Paveglio, Kevin Spacey as Mr. Kupon, or Tommy Lee Jones as Mr. Ogilvie. (Think about, Mr. O. I think it fits. Kinda.) If he got into acting, former baseball players' union stooge Donald Fehr could play Mr. Tantillo, but we're just getting crazy now.

Would a movie about your high school be worth our time? Let's hear some funny -- but clean -- stories.